end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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