Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
