JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
