dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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