That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
