She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
