is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
