he shaved USA in his pubs
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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