At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
