I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
