I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize