i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
