I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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