Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
