is wine microwaveable?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
