do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
