So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
