I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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