I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
