I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
