Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
