lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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