from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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