Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
