I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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