your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
