Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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