I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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