My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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