feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
