I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize