just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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