so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize