This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I love you.
Bad choice
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
