Say something about gay babies.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
