Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
