Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
