I CAN MOONWALK!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
