I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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