oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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