dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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