if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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