Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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