what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
