I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
