And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
