everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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