If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just cut my nipple shaving
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
