i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
