I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
