i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
