Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
