she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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