I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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