On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
