So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
