Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
