we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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