yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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