I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
