you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
