my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
