Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
