Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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