When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
