You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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