I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
