shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I checked into jail on foursquare
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize