The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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